Once Upon a Time in New Jersey

If you think Grease is too racy, then consider Once Upon a Time in New Jersey, the world premiere musical at Lincolnshire’s Marriott Theatre. This is a pleasantly bland, old-fashioned, boy-yearns-for-girl tuner with nothing steamier than a kiss, and nary a hell or damn to be heard. It won’t set the theatrical world on fire — and it will never see the lights of Broadway — but it may please theatergoers who are looking for a modest evening’s entertainment.

The show, which is framed as a fairy tale, takes place in 1956, somewhere west of the Hudson River. Sweet and unassuming Vinnie LoBianco (Jim Weitzer) runs the family deli and secretly loves Angie Moscato (Kathy Voytko). She’s an angel of a girl; so, of course, she’s inexplicably drawn to a womanizing greaser, Rocco Fabrizio (usually Will Swenson, but Matt Orlando at my performance and showing all the right moves.) Rocco is The Fonze grown to adulthood but minus the conscience; he’s all black leather, slicked-back shiny hair, and lotsa’ hip moves. When Rocco hits on the wife of a jealous local mobster, it’s goodbye-and-meat-pie for him unless he can persuade Vinnie to switch places with him. In turn, he can teach Vinnie how to be sexy and ruthless with women. You can predict the happy ending.

Susan DiLallo has written the book and lyrics without apologies for the show’s entirely middlebrow ambitions. Her book is pithy and efficient — the show clocks in at under two hours, not counting intermission — with less musical comedy padding than most shows. The characters all are Italian-American stereotypes, which might offend some theatergoers. Fortunately, DiLallo shows considerably more cleverness in her lyrics than in her characterizatrions. Particularly pleasing are” God Knows, Mrs. LoBianco,” an Act I patter song for two hoods posing as priests, and “Quando Scungilli,” a laugh-out-loud Act II showstopper of pidgin Italian that manages to incorporate tutti-frutti, Alfa-Romeo, Perry Como, and 1950’s baseball hero Phil Rizzuto.

Composer Stephen Weiner’s very pleasant tunes are an ideal match for DiLallo’s lyrics. For instance, “Quando Scungilli” is set as a mock Neapolitan love song. Elsewhere in his pastiche score, Weiner draws on hints of 1950’s early rock (such as the doowap girl trio “One of a Kind” and “Little Girl Beware”), tango, and pop tunes in the manner of such Italian crooners as Dean Martin and Jerry Vale. Despite the various musical influences, the orchestrations by Dimitri Nakhamkin and David Siegel need more flavor and character. They are long on woodwinds and short on brass — which is agreeably different for an uptempo show — and well played by an eight-piece band under the always-reliable baton of Marriott veteran Patti Garwood. But the pseudo-rock numbers never feature a yackety sax, which was a signature of the period.

As one has come to expect at the Marriott Theatre, the show is well-cast. Weitzer makes a fair-haired naïf as Vinnie, donning a black greaser wig when he stands in for Rocco, and taking prime advantage of his comic opportunities. He also displays a sweet and steady voice in his love song, “A Girl Like Her.” For her part, Voytko combines kittenish sex appeal with freshness, although she can’t quite convince us that Angie would fall for a lout like Rocco.

Marc Robin, Chicago’s most-honored director/choreographer — he’s won 14 Joseph Jefferson Awards — did the staging, and as usual, his work is solid and effective. But Robin is known as a concept director, and this old-fashioned tuner really called for no concept. Also, there aren’t any dance production numbers, which seems an odd waste of Robin’s abilities as a choreographer..

In short, Once Upon a Time in New Jersey may be entertaining enough for theatergoers whose tastes are simple and demands are slight, but it will leave those with a more sophisticated palate wanting more.