Cell Phone Funeral

Patrick Callahan was minding his own business looking for sex at the local gay cruise spot when Zackery Simon (who was doing the same thing) inadvertently ran over him with his SUV twice! Zackery flees the scene leaving the difficult-to-identify corpse to be discovered. When Patricks family, 3000 miles away is notified, his drunken, bitter mother reunites with her estranged, conservative sister to make the trip to put their loved one to rest. The two widowed women reminisce about their upbringing and begin to see each other anew.

As the two women make plans to memorialize Patrick, the local Funeral Director (Salvatore), who is trying to find his own niche in the Hollywood Industry, excitedly assist the two in producing the grand story of Patrick’s life. Salvatore, who cannot admit that people die, brings Patrick back to life through what he believes to be high tech animatronics as the sisters prepare for a bizarre cast of characters parading through the six feet under spa.

Meanwhile, Zackery and his best friend Barry have a great deal of remorse that they did not ascertain whether or not Patrick was cute, so they do what any hit and run perpetrators would do, they go to the funeral home. Reluctantly the two shallow queens are forced to interact with the sisters and bring them up to speed on what Patricks world was probably like. These opinions are affirmed by a parade of friends that any mother would be mortified to meet including: a Jehovahs Witness Drag queen; a Priest with Benefits; a Despondent Bathhouse Manager; endless non-English speaking Latinos and three hair dressers who each insist Patrick would have said he was their client.

In the end, it is never revealed who caused Patricks demise, but Zackery does achieve moral clarity with the help of the Angel Troll (who is too fat to sit on Zacks shoulder), and gives the sisters reason to believe that their beloved Patrick lived a meaningful life. The day is a complete success for the two queens when they make it to Two-for-Tuesday with fifteen minutes to spare.